In the end when it comes down to it
i love you, no other words can say how i feel right now then those
i know you don't care anymore but this is when i need you more then anything and being "just friends" isn't enough. I've never felt a pain as bad as this. I've had the stupid break-ups but those do not hurt as bad as this. I'm done. I'm sorry that i need you in my life and that i want you here by my side. But, I need to move on. I can try, but i'll never forget you or that love i have for you. I will always hide it, from this day forward.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
"father"s day
there is a meaning behind the word father, am i right?
A father is someone who is always there for their children, someone who cares, who wants to protect his children, who loves them, and all these other things.
Well my father is no longer my father, i look at him as nothing more then a man who lives in my mothers house. He is everything a father isn't. I wouldn't mind this holiday if I had a real father to celebrate it with. I mean when he picks fights with you on HIS day.... its not right.
=(
A father is someone who is always there for their children, someone who cares, who wants to protect his children, who loves them, and all these other things.
Well my father is no longer my father, i look at him as nothing more then a man who lives in my mothers house. He is everything a father isn't. I wouldn't mind this holiday if I had a real father to celebrate it with. I mean when he picks fights with you on HIS day.... its not right.
=(
Monday, June 9, 2008
Weirdd
Some weird stuff has been going on...
Don't know how to explain it.
Deff scared to death...
Firstttt - Last night, Don't know if i was dreaming or not, but I believe that someone was in my house, now your probably thinking I'm a lunitic or something but I do believe there was, wether it be (weird I know) a ghost, or a real person, they were deff trying to tell me something. ANDDDD, I heard the sound of a car crash, this is something I have heard before but there was nothing out side of my window, I checked the other neighborhood and everything, And this is just the begining.
Today- I thought I heard a loud bang on my window, Like a huge rock hitting it or something, I went out to investigate, and Nothing... No rock, Not any trace of anything hitting the window. As I was getting dressed, A freaking computer speaker falls over, it was originally in the middle of my desk. There is NO way that it could have fallen on its own, I mean it sits in the middle of the desk for gods sake. And all of the power to my room was cut off. My room and sisters room are on the same circuit, and her room had power... Just FREAKINGGG ME OUT A LITTLE... =]
Ugh, I don't know or have a clue what any of this means but it means something... grr.
Don't know how to explain it.
Deff scared to death...
Firstttt - Last night, Don't know if i was dreaming or not, but I believe that someone was in my house, now your probably thinking I'm a lunitic or something but I do believe there was, wether it be (weird I know) a ghost, or a real person, they were deff trying to tell me something. ANDDDD, I heard the sound of a car crash, this is something I have heard before but there was nothing out side of my window, I checked the other neighborhood and everything, And this is just the begining.
Today- I thought I heard a loud bang on my window, Like a huge rock hitting it or something, I went out to investigate, and Nothing... No rock, Not any trace of anything hitting the window. As I was getting dressed, A freaking computer speaker falls over, it was originally in the middle of my desk. There is NO way that it could have fallen on its own, I mean it sits in the middle of the desk for gods sake. And all of the power to my room was cut off. My room and sisters room are on the same circuit, and her room had power... Just FREAKINGGG ME OUT A LITTLE... =]
Ugh, I don't know or have a clue what any of this means but it means something... grr.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
I've
I have fallen into my own ways,
Only a few of you know what I have been through, and its not that great. I am trying to change I am, but I gave in. I gave into the pressure of friends and family. The best thing someone has ever told me "Don't care what others say." But I can't say I don't care, because I do, thats part of the reason I am falling. I am sick of hearing that I am stupid, have no common sense, don't deserve what I have, well people who say that can pretty much suck it. I'm just so sick of everything.
Only a few of you know what I have been through, and its not that great. I am trying to change I am, but I gave in. I gave into the pressure of friends and family. The best thing someone has ever told me "Don't care what others say." But I can't say I don't care, because I do, thats part of the reason I am falling. I am sick of hearing that I am stupid, have no common sense, don't deserve what I have, well people who say that can pretty much suck it. I'm just so sick of everything.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Just..
Just when I thought things would get easier, they have not. Not by any means.
1. The guy I like... Over, no more.
2. The guy I got close to... Things are weird now that we see what we did wrong, and I'm lost.
3. My uncle.. As a lot of you know. He has a condition where his spine is turning into one bone, this is a very painful condition. Well we were playing family volleyball, and he landed on his tail bone (attached to your spine) and he went to get up and could not walk. He has two compression fractures. This is the moment of my life, where I had saw the strongest person in my life, just fall apart, and what did I do, I did just that. He went into surgery and all is well, so far.
4. I have to be home this weekend- PLEASE text me because I'm going to be bored/upset.
--> ughhhh
1. The guy I like... Over, no more.
2. The guy I got close to... Things are weird now that we see what we did wrong, and I'm lost.
3. My uncle.. As a lot of you know. He has a condition where his spine is turning into one bone, this is a very painful condition. Well we were playing family volleyball, and he landed on his tail bone (attached to your spine) and he went to get up and could not walk. He has two compression fractures. This is the moment of my life, where I had saw the strongest person in my life, just fall apart, and what did I do, I did just that. He went into surgery and all is well, so far.
4. I have to be home this weekend- PLEASE text me because I'm going to be bored/upset.
--> ughhhh
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Well..
As some of you know, My house has been a very very rough spot to be at the last..well soccer season, before that even. I'm to this point of not even knowing what to do. My dad seems to think that he is the best and likes to control everything I do. My mom on the other hand is accepting that I am going to be 17 in like 4 months, and she is starting to give me that space that I need. This weekend, a fight occured, Dad saying I haven't done anything for them, I don't do chores and I expect the world? Well, he is wrong, with soccer I was never able to do anything in the week so I did what I wanted on the weekends, this pissed him off, He started telling me I couldn't do anything, and then today, ONE DAY after my season ends and I have time to do something, he yells at me because I wasn't doing it correctly, or just doing something stupid. I left, Aunts house until monday, anyone have any ideas??
-->don't know what to dooooooooooo!
--Morg
-->don't know what to dooooooooooo!
--Morg
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Horoscope.
Today I got on yahoo.com, like I do everyday, But today this is what my horoscope was:
"You're in charge of your feeling today, which means it's a lot easier to confront people who usually freak you out for some reason. Show a friend how it's done!"
Today, I confronted the one person that has intimidated me since I have started soccer. He told me ever since I had an incredibly hard practice that he is really happy with my work rate, that I work my butt everyday, and have since that practice.
I guess it was a mission of mine to impress him, I have never felt good enough, but now that I have talked to him about things I can do, or what not, I feel like I have let a weight off my shoulders.
I love how life works, I read my horoscope wondering..."What the...?" and now, I know life gives you hints, simply reading something can determine how your day goes. Its amazing.
<3
"You're in charge of your feeling today, which means it's a lot easier to confront people who usually freak you out for some reason. Show a friend how it's done!"
Today, I confronted the one person that has intimidated me since I have started soccer. He told me ever since I had an incredibly hard practice that he is really happy with my work rate, that I work my butt everyday, and have since that practice.
I guess it was a mission of mine to impress him, I have never felt good enough, but now that I have talked to him about things I can do, or what not, I feel like I have let a weight off my shoulders.
I love how life works, I read my horoscope wondering..."What the...?" and now, I know life gives you hints, simply reading something can determine how your day goes. Its amazing.
<3
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
A new me?
I have been thinking a lot lately about how I act, What I do, the things that I say, and have decided that I try this new start one more time.
Recently, I have been talking to someone that I talk to on a normal basis, but things got a little to out of hand. I love this kid to death, but the things that were said are not things that we should exactly encourage. I realize that this is wrong, thats the important thing.
Now, For this boy that I like, he is nice, funny, smart, and knows how to make me laugh, he is my friends EX, see a problem? Well I do. There are pro's and con's for each side, but I have decided that I will in fact date him...Still no problem...He has these days that make me wonder if he really likes me or not. He acts like it for a few days, and then we just don't talk. I am not going to be doing all the talking, he really needs to drop those habits of his, and just step up... Problem.
I just need to start over, I have all the time in the world now that soccer is over, I am pushing myself to new challenges, like taking two honors classes next year, and by starting to get more evolved in my school. Ex) Joining Link Crew, Wanting to be on student council, picking up dance, and a travel soccer league. Basically, just keeping myself as busy as possible and by making as many friends as I absolutely can. I realized that I am not totally happy with all of my friends, having many many more would give me that confidence boost I have been needing.
<3
More Later.
Recently, I have been talking to someone that I talk to on a normal basis, but things got a little to out of hand. I love this kid to death, but the things that were said are not things that we should exactly encourage. I realize that this is wrong, thats the important thing.
Now, For this boy that I like, he is nice, funny, smart, and knows how to make me laugh, he is my friends EX, see a problem? Well I do. There are pro's and con's for each side, but I have decided that I will in fact date him...Still no problem...He has these days that make me wonder if he really likes me or not. He acts like it for a few days, and then we just don't talk. I am not going to be doing all the talking, he really needs to drop those habits of his, and just step up... Problem.
I just need to start over, I have all the time in the world now that soccer is over, I am pushing myself to new challenges, like taking two honors classes next year, and by starting to get more evolved in my school. Ex) Joining Link Crew, Wanting to be on student council, picking up dance, and a travel soccer league. Basically, just keeping myself as busy as possible and by making as many friends as I absolutely can. I realized that I am not totally happy with all of my friends, having many many more would give me that confidence boost I have been needing.
<3
More Later.
Life Right Now
I have changed, this I know. I like people I never would have before, I give people more chances then they deserve. I have a "good life", parents who are still together, who love me, who are wayyy to protective. I believe in God with all of my heart. I have overcome many obstacles that have been put in my way. I have many friends and a guy who likes me for me. I have what some others don't have.
Yet, I am not happy? Why, I have no idea, it makes no sense to me. There is a reason I am not happy, maybe its because I'd rather see others happy, not myself. I walk away from fights and lose friends over it. Life is confusing, I don't even remember how to think. I have the right morals and the right decision making skills to make others happy, but I don't know how to even make myself happy?... That is a problem.
Yet, I am not happy? Why, I have no idea, it makes no sense to me. There is a reason I am not happy, maybe its because I'd rather see others happy, not myself. I walk away from fights and lose friends over it. Life is confusing, I don't even remember how to think. I have the right morals and the right decision making skills to make others happy, but I don't know how to even make myself happy?... That is a problem.
For You My Friends
To you who say I can't do something,
to you who think I can't so something right,
to you who think I am not strong,
to you who say I am not capable of playing a sport,
to you who say or think bad things about me,
to you who doubt me in any way shape or form,
to myself who doubts I can do anything
I will prove you wrong,
I will prove myself wrong.
:)
to you who think I can't so something right,
to you who think I am not strong,
to you who say I am not capable of playing a sport,
to you who say or think bad things about me,
to you who doubt me in any way shape or form,
to myself who doubts I can do anything
I will prove you wrong,
I will prove myself wrong.
:)
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